I have a new friend, the name is heartache. It comes as it pleases, randomly, without warning. Some days it is bearable, while some other days it suffocates me. Almost feels like a panic attack I think (not that I experience that before).
I experienced it late evening today. It was terrible. I placed both hands on my heart, and I feel my heartbeat fast. It didn't calm down, and I'm force to react in pain, taking deep breaths to calm down. "I need saving." I remember thinking that to myself.
I used to have a safety fallback. Whenever things did not go right, there is a net I can just fall back to. I can just ignore all the worries of the world and feel safe for a while. It soothes me, make me feel better and make me stand back on my feet to face the world.
It's gone.
And then Nickelback's Savin' Me came to me.
I remember, while waiting to go inside the exam room for STPM (or is it MUET), I was blasting Nickelback on my MP3. I think I was experiencing some emotional turbulence and I remember feeling good listening to it.
It still feels good now.
"I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story, and all I scream for you.
Hurry, I'm falling."
Am I worth saving?
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