Crossroads

Things are not happening as I expected it to be. I came clean, I tried my best. I even told my dad just so I can get extra morale. But I realized, the courage and bravery just makes me come clean even more. Telling close friends who I really am, breaking down my weaknesses in front of them. Thankfully and surprisingly, they stay. They listen, they shake me, and they advise. Even promise to be more present in my life. I can only thank God for meeting these people. I'm so ready to be rejected, but yet they show me grace.

I am at a cross road - to save or not to. I don't have the confident now that it will work. I know he is trying very hard, putting every effort. I'm trying too, each time I don't feel like it, I tell myself, "Come, put in 110% of your effort before announcing it that's over, that nothing can work. Don't give up on yourself. Can't you see how hard he is trying?"

But I really can't. Each time I wanna give warmth, I feel my heart gets cold. There is no guarantee of anything. It's not like I'm hoping for something to happen. Even if it doesn't happen, it's ok. But will it really be ok in future? I really don't know.

Oh God, what should I do now?