I. Am. Not. Okay.

Dad asked about him while we were on the way to my office. Honestly, I don't know anything about him now. We are not talking anymore, and I wonder if we are still friends.

I just answered what I knew. I was quite surprised that dad brought him up, and then I thought, each time I am with dad, he would ask.

His questions stirred up some emotions and curiousity - how is he doing? Is he doing well?

While I tried to brush off the thought from my head, my phone rang. His message, out of the blue, after weeks of silence. Just hi, nothing else; and the rest of the content was so formal, rigid, polite... As if I bite.

I responded to his request, and that was it. Cold, dark and silent again.

I can only watch in horror as all the walls I set up to carefully keep my emotions away all these while, came tumbling down. So shattered that I, after being in denial for so many months, broke down and cried.

People always said, "Out of sight, out of mind." But the reality is, once it's awaken, comes the realization that you are actually living a lie all these time. Nothing is out of mind. You just pushed all the undealt out of your consciousness to that deep corner of your mind. Hidden, concealed and covered.

And today, is the day that I came to that realization: I'm not so strong after all.

I. Am. Not. Okay.