Heart to heart

Those who are close to me will know that I have just gone through an operation on Wednesday. It is my first time, and I seriously don't know what to feel about it. Trill? Not exactly. More to fear. Fear of not being able to wake up, fear of getting sick after the operation, fear of leaving an ugly scar behind...

Anyway, boy boy was here with me throughout the operation and after that. All I can say is, I am really touched by all his actions and affection he gave me. Too bad he went back after I was discharged from the hospital. If only he could stay a little longer...

I am now in resting mood. So I stayed home most of the time. The furthest place I go is the clubhouse just opposite my house to online. Due to the operation, my parents advised that I do not use too much energy in case my wound get worst. So I cut down moving, doing things and taking heavy things. Even carrying my laptop, I asked my brothers to help me. My father would be pleased to fetch me to the clubhouse. My family have been understanding and been a great help to me.

At some point, I feel fragile. I feel like I am some kind of cacated person, where I can't do things my own. Boy boy said I should be enjoying myself and view it as a advantage. Should I? I finally understand how it feels to be disable. It's not fun at all. Yes, asking people to be your slave is nice for a while, but then there is this sense of uselessness that wraps around you. And that is when you don't feel nice at all.

There are times where I feel really down and depressed, for no reason. I feel I am lacking of attention and care. I wanted to find someone to talk it out, but then I realised I got nobody. Everyone is either busy with their things or so faraway. Ended up crying worst than a baby. Is this the after effect of an operation? 'Cause this is when I tell myself, "Having an operation is no fun at all..."

Willie, if you are reading this, thank you so much for being with me all the way. During in the hospital, for doing so much for me - pulling the curtains, closing the door, walk with me to the washroom... For being so patience with all my emo-ing, being there for me each time I needed someone. *tears* Thank you so so much. I really appreciate all of these. You are truly the best! I love you.